but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
