I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
