I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I love you.
Bad choice
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