70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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