I am in a vortex of obligation.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
