im about as happy as oj after his trial
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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