they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
