i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You took a bar mat shot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
