i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
