then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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