I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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