he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
