3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
