dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have grass duct taped all over my body
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
