some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
