Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
