HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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