you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
