JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
