took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
