Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
