The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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