just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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