You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
