So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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