we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
