Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
