lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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