You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
