So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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