i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
