your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
