I hate your face
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
