Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
