If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
