then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
