oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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