Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
