Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
