she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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