No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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