Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
