Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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