You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
