____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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