We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
