I bet he comes in French.
Can Purell be used as lube?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
