so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
