I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
