Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
